Trip Happening

News 'o the Week

2007-07-26T18:20:00.000-07:00

The Gladstone was fine - danced, had a good time. Many men. Saw a girl I've seen quite a few times before, we were introduced once by a mutual friend, but I haven't been there recently. This time, just as I was about to go talk to her, she and her group split. I was waiting for them to a finish a conversation as we checked each other out.

Went to CherryBomb as well. It was pretty sparse, cottagers. Girl "picked me up", we have a date Saturday. She sent me a text today. Its extremely nice to feel appreciated, in that sort of way, but I am wary of building this up. Compatibility is hard to find.

A friend of mine is being exceptionally supportive when it comes to writing. I replaced my library card. Rather, I got a new one.

"I'll have to charge you if you're still on the system"
"Ahh well."
"Let me check. There's only one person listed under your name, but with no middle initial."
"Huh."
"They live at (insert my childhood address) and are listed as a child though, so I think you're safe."

I've never read much beyond textbooks, in terms of LGBT reading.. but I've stocked up online a whole list of "must reads" and am diving in.

At the height of ...

2007-07-19T09:15:00.000-07:00

This just in:

My doctor, a wonderful woman who doesn't bat an eye at my asking about testosterone, talking about queer medical issues, etc. has told me she cannot sign a "Generic Task Statement" for the military until I see a cardiologist and get two tests done...

There goes my quick entrance plan. I don't understand why I had to wait for my medical to be given this form "Does the patient have any medical problems that would prevent them from doing these tasks" sort of deal. Somehow I think I won't get in. And yet, I went through all the trouble of the interviews, everything else is set. Now this comes up.

It seems my Mitral Valve Prolapse w/ regurgitation is worse. Much worse than it was before, and will probably continue to worsen. I.e. one of my heart valves doesn't close/open properly, letting blood flow the wrong way in my heart. Eventually, this can lead to more severe complications. Meaning I could have to take medication or have preventative surgery. Open fucking heart surgery.

And this, because I'm tall. All my ligaments (like the one that closes my heart, or my bad slips-out-of-socket-without-isometric-exercise-knee) are loose. Funny, this reminds me of the last time being tall royally fucked me: too tall to become a fighter pilot... learned after seeing doctors to make sure it wouldn't be the case, joining the Air Cadets (And half-way through), planning for it and dreaming of it since the age of 5.

Now I might never get in. All because of my fucking height.

Queer West

2007-07-18T16:21:00.000-07:00

Out to The Gladstone for Hump Day Bump.

- people to avoid
- people to find
- music to enjoy?

If the west end weren't so far and somewhat spread out, I'd be there more often. Here goes again - haven't been in about a month.

Who to find?

Fucking Loyalty

2007-07-17T11:45:00.000-07:00

Back-post, written July 14th, 2007.

I recently decided casual sex could be on the menu. Prior to that, I limited myself to long-term relationships, with the occasional romp on the side with a well-known friend/date. Since that time, I ended up having: a threesome with friends who are an open couple as well as sex twice with a newer friend. All are no strings attached - which isn't to say I'm all that promiscuous, there are strict rules.

But... No strings?

I was perfectly happy, despite exhaustion, to sleep with (name changed) Alex for a second time. Both happened at the tail end of parties. The second time, I had been interested in another individual. Whether or not the interest was reciprocated, I don't know, as I felt awkward in the situation. When Alex and my eyes crossed paths, she seemed interested again, sexually. Which is not to say that I wasn't - I was - simply, I don't feel as if I should have to avoid hitting on others when our relationship extends so far as knowledge of basic details about the other, meeting four times total, and fucking.

Now, I wasn't about to jump into bed with this other girl - but does it make me an ***hole to hit on someone in the presence of someone else I have on-going casual sex with?

I thought expectations of loyalty were for countries, girlfriends and football teams.

S(he), (Wo)man

2007-07-17T11:10:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I accepted a ride from a gay man trying to pick me up. I was in the middle of a sketchier section of suburbia. It was night two of a three day party/clubbing weekend. Exhausted, at 3am, a man in a red car pulled up beside me and rolled down the window. He wanted the young man he saw before him.

In the middle of nowhere, at night, with my back to him, he thought I was a man. O.K. I get it. I'm exceptionally tall, I don't slouch, my hair is short, I was wearing a man's shirt and tight jeans. I swagger when I walk. All this without attempting to pass.

Here's where some of the confusion lies: I bind my chest with a tri-top, I wear a leather harness, pack and use it. I go by a male name.

The kicker: None of these things makes me a transgendered person, transitioning or otherwise. It certainly doesn't transform me into a gay male. Personally, I don't see how I "pass", especially without attempting to. I even enjoy being mistaken for a "sir", so long as this is the exception (or at most 50/50), not the rule.

I want my gender to be a question for others. ...even though my sex is not - I am female-bodied, I have previously and still to a great extent (though "stone", sexually, is calling my name) f*** like a woman. I don't tell people what to call me - he, she, it, they, whatever. Each are just referents to me, they are meaningless, short form third-person identifiers for the purpose of communicating not gender, but identity. "He got a salad" --> "Who got a salad?" --> the answer is not "male", but the name of the individual. Same goes for "she" or "they". The question is not what, but who?

Now, none of this is much of a problem, except when it comes to interacting with queer women for the purposes of hooking-up/dating etc. - many peg me as in transition. Which leaves me wondering, how many dismissed me as a viable partner/option because they mistook my gender identity? What do I do to correct this? Can I?

Back to the ride home.

I made it back safely. He tried to kiss me. I pushed his face away. He clearly never knew. How many others don't?